I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
