also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
