I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
