I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
