they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
