Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
