My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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