I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
