I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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