I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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