i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
