Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize