I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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