great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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