i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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