Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
