We won't sleep together?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
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i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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