Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
