rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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