You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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