2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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