He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
