at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize