i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
