So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
