I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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