I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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