If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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