you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
