I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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