i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
