I have demons in me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
