so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
