i already hear my dad disowning me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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