Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
