farters have to be the big spoon...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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