Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
