dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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