Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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