I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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