I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
