Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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