im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
