i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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