I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
