can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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