Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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