The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
