I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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