it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
