tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize