Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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