Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
