exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
