I want to stick my p in your. b.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
