it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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