if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
