A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
