When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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