I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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