forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
