I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We left the knife in your bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
