I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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