I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
