I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
